While I was out of town for work and out of the blue he met with a woman who came highly recommended as a financial planner. What did she say I asked him liking the fact it was a woman was taking charge of our little bits spread all over who knows where. She said we need to consolidate and get organized my husband said. This proves my point that Mr. Jeopardy does not view me as a credible source on much of anything but if someone else says the exact same thing it is gospel. He still wonders why I tell people I would rather have a few good dogs than any man.
Anyway, prior to his next meeting he was given homework by the financial planner which included two “dream books” of what we wanted to do when we retired. In theory the advisor would then be able to help us decide what our annual allowance would need to be in order to allow for our retirement dreams. My husband had his book and I had mine. We were supposed to be busy filling them out when the subject of my blog came up. What have you written down so far he asked. Nothing, I replied. Surely, you can think of some things you would like to do when you retire he said. Not really, I have never really thought about it or pictured myself retired I reply. I have always pictured myself working. This is true. I live in the present. I cannot think beyond my New Years resolutions which usually last a week or two. Plus, I went on, you always tell me that I can never retire as one of us will have to work for benefits and you nominated that person to be me before I had a say in the matter. My husband shook his head at me and continued to write busily in his own book. Apparently he was not living in the moment like me but planning his dream and could not deny that he had no intention of ever letting me retire. Maybe you can fill out your book and I will just write down ditto in my book.
Why don’t I think about retirement? No one I know is happy in retirement. Retirement is just another set of worries. Plus I am still having a hard time with the fact I turned 40 recently (well maybe not so recently). Retirement would mean much older than that and so I choose not to go there in my mind despite the “dream”. Why be reminded your even closer to old age and the inevitable. What have you written down I ask my beloved. A note of caution to those who are reading this blog (my few friends and family who have nothing better to do), never, ever ask a question you are not prepared to hear the answer to. I have a few things jotted down my husband replied. What about sailing around the Caribbean a few months a year? On a boat I ask? You don’t know how to sail. Well we will learn he says smiling at me ever optimistic. He has always talked about learning how to sail so this does not come as a complete surprise. Two things scare me I tell him. First the “we” part. I can envision him ordering me around the dream sail boat as his second mate and I would never have the opportunity to relax. Plus, I am horrible at tying knots which I know is essential to sailing. Secondly, I point out it is dangerous to be so far from medical attention. Why are you so worried about medical attention he asks? Because! If we are retired we are old. If we are old the likelihood of us needing unexpected medical attention rises dramatically. The middle of the ocean is not the place to be should medical attention be needed. Why is the obvious so hard for some people to see?
How about owning a dive shop he tries again. I don’t like to dive I remind him. I only dive because you like to dive. Why on earth would I want to run a dive shop?
I do like the idea of running a business together I tell him. It would keep us busy and we could work together. I have been thinking about a ranch in Montana he tells me. I look at him to see if he is messing with me. A ranch? What are you serious? What would we do on a ranch? We could raise sheep or cattle or goats or anything that roams where you don’t need to clean a pen he tells me. I am surprised he just does not volunteer me to clean these imagined pens. You could get yourself a few more herding dogs he tells me (an obvious ploy to bring me over to his way of thinking this is a good idea). Are you serious? I ask again. What would we do with the cattle we raise? Sell them for slaughter of course he tells me. There is big money in hormone free beef. I could never kill a cow that I raise I say. That would be cruel. Mr. Jeopardy looks at me like I am the crazy person now. We could make cheese from goats then. What do we know about making goats cheese I ask him? Maybe there is a Ranching 101 book you should be reading and besides we have never even been to Montana! I know he goes on but it looks beautiful. We should plan a trip this year. There is a 200 acre ranch for sale with 7,000 square feet for a smoking price he says quite seriously. I can show you some real estate pages. This is when I know he is not joking. Who are you and what have you done with the man I married I ask. What am I going to do on this ranch of yours? You can cook for our ranch hands and ring that little triangle on the front porch he says. I guess you don’t expect to keep the ranch hands around for any length of time I state the obvious. Anyone who knows me knows I am not domestically inclined especially in the kitchen. The fact that he is looking at real estate in Montana really has me worried about what else he has been thinking about. All of a sudden the man I am married to wants to retire as Clint Eastwood.
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| Who is the most beautiful of them all? |
Mr. Jeopardy changes the subject and asks what I have written down so far in my dream book. I look down at my booklet. What part of home or life would you like to change the book asks. All I have written down is adopt a few more dogs and maybe start blogging again. You can start blogging now he says. You cannot get a few more dogs until you stop travelling for work. We cannot afford the doggy day camp and kenneling for a herd of dogs, its bad enough with just one. I know, I know and since I cannot retire until I drop dead I guess I will have to wait on the extra dogs and blog about the ridiculousness of my life at times. I resolve to add to my blog on a monthly basis which will allow me to vent. If you are reading this you are in worse shape than I am as far as meaningful ways to spend your time but feel free to send me a reminder if I get behind.
My only concern about this blog is that in the past year my parents have come into the digital age. Up until now they have not had Internet access or e-mail. Much of the fodder for my blog comes from them as they are truly unique shall I say. Now I will have to be more careful as to what I write. They may not be able to find the blog site as their computer “know how” to date has not been too impressive. I may be worried about nothing. During our last visit two weeks ago to drop off Wellington for the holidays they were both in a tizzy as to their laptop giving them trouble. Can Jeff look at the laptop when he gets here? I may need to take it down to those geeks at Best Buy but I am hoping he can fix it my dad asks. Sure, what is it doing? Ask your mother, she can show you when you get here but I can’t read the screen anymore. Upon our arrival my mother hovered over Mr. Jeopardy. My parents are convinced that if anyone can fix anything technical it is him. They did not even bother to show me the issue. Your father is very upset my mom told me he has not been able to look up his stock watch because he cannot read the screen. It turned out the laptop crises was that the font size had been accidentally being changed to a minuscule size preventing anyone from actually reading the page. Mr. Fabulous had it fixed in half a second once again proving himself as indispensable. You can see why I have hope that they may never find this blog………………..
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