It has been several weeks now since the first set of parents have left England. My own parents just left last week after wreaking havoc and overfeeding the dog. Indeed it has been a whirlwind but Mr. Jeopardy and I are now halfway home. Looking back we have no idea what we were thinking at the time. Three sets of parents in 3 months, all staying for 2 weeks at a time. We wanted our parents to be able to experience Europe while we were here on work assignment and to put it simply the frequent flyer choices are just not what they used to be. It is now for the first time that I have found the opportunity to sneak away and reflect on Bill and Renee's visit. This was their second time visiting England and Mr. Jeopardy and I felt we were prepared. We had wine and Belgian chocolates in the 3rd floor bedroom. We felt they would be well sequestered with plenty of space. We had a 4 night cruise planned from Southhampton and the second weekend planned to view Bath and London historical sites.
The Potential Terrorist Package
Jeff's dad and step mom Renee were due to arrive on the first flight of the day from the US. The day of their arrival started rather auspiciously. As I arrived at terminal 4 at Heathrow I noticed a small travelers case on a trolley in the parking deck which had apparently been forgotten. It looked like the type of small carry-on that people used for medications and other personal items. I ever so helpfully picked it up to take it to the Heathrow Lost and Found. Upon entering the airport I walked the bag over to the Information desk. The woman behind the desk blinked rapidly and appeared panicked as I explained the situation. "Oh dear, wait right here while I phone security." I did not have to wait long before two men from airport security arrived looking rather disgruntled. One immediately took charge of the travelers case and left to scan the bag and check it for explosives. His partner proceeded to launch into a lecture on anti-terrorism safety and common sense. The gist of it was as follows-"Ma'am, the next time you see an unattended bag outside of the airport PLEASE do not bring it into the airport!"
After that embarrassment I ran over to the arrivals area worried I would now be late to pick up my in-laws. Luckily, customs was running at their usual sleeper pace and I waited another hour for their arrival. They emerged from the double doors looking dazed and exhausted after their long trip over the pond. Renee had on dark sunglasses as if she could not bear the thought of sunlight and Bill trailed behind with a trolley piled high with suitcases. They were bringing me precious goods- high thread count sheets from Macy's and Crystal Light powdered drink mix. God I miss those Macy's white sales. The same sheets in England would cost double at a minimum! How was your flight I asked? "Water, water, I must find water" said Renee. Yup, got some in the car I said as I quickly shepherded the exhausted travelers onward.
Arrival at the Hurley House
I brought them home to sleep and recover from the long flight. Shadow our easily manipulated Sheltie was overjoyed to see them both. He remembered them fondly as worthwhile food targets. After their arrival he was stuck to them like glue, especially Bill who was always good for sharing his meals with any four legged creature. After a rest and enough coffee to jolt a horse they were up and about feeling much better that evening. I am not sure what it is but my parents are the same way. They can drink coffee all day long and never suffer the effects of sleeplessness. The coffee grinder worked endlessly during the two week stretch.
Bill, my father-in-law was fast at work installing our network code to run his laptop. Give this man wireless, a couch and a sandwich and you will never hear a peep out of him. He will usually never complain and is very low maintenance when it comes to being entertained. The second day I came downstairs to find Renee up early drinking coffee. Is Bill up I asked? Yes, he is in watching TV. I walked into the living room to discover my father-in-law pointing the remote at the TV and clicking buttons without success. Bill, why didn't you holler upstairs and ask me to fix this for you? "Oh, I figured one of you would show up sooner or later". I did manage to shake him up however when I explained to him that their bedroom was on the 3rd floor. "The bathroom is on the 2nd floor?" Yes, I said. "There is no bathroom upstairs?" No, but you will have this bathroom all to yourselves I replied brightly. "Hmmm, well I will need to cut back on the salad" he said matter of factly.
That night we enjoyed some nice wine, long missed company and Chef Jeff's famous Bolognese recipe which I swear takes him 7 hours to make. I got a kick out of Renee asking for the recipe as she loves the dish. Jeff swears the recipe calls for beef, pork and lamb however we only use the beef and pork out of fair of bodily harm when Renee is around. Renee is an animal rights activist which I have tremendous admiration for. Jeff and I do however eat lamb and veal so I feel obliged to confess that yes there was lamb in the bolognese. I feel quite safe admitting this as Renee is safely 5500 miles away and it was a very old sheep which I am sure wanted to be put out of their misery.
No Frito's in England!
Renee wasted no time laying out her plans for some recipes she had brought with her. She loves to cook (God Bless her) and being that I only know how to microwave I give her and anyone else free reign in the kitchen. As she rattled off needed ingredients to her planned recipes I started to feel apprehensive. I knew she was about to be disappointed but forged ahead. Renee, I don't think you are going to find your necessary ingredients here. "Well, why not she asked." Well, I have never seen Frito's, ranch mix, pasta shells ...."Oh I am sure if you can take me to a large grocery store we can find them." She said this with the conviction of an American who was blessed to have their mega stores. I tended to agree, no Frito's? What store on this earth did not carry Frito's??? Well England does not have everything we have in the States I reminded her. Remember, how you asked me to buy cheese crackers for Bill? Well they have lots of cheese and even more crackers but they do not have cheese crackers. She looked at me with skepticism. It's true, while they have an entire aisle devoted to tea England does not carry powdered Nestea for instant iced tea. I believe the English would consider powdered instant tea the ultimate sin. "Well I am sure I can find some suitable substitutes" said Renee. So off we went to the large Sainsburys the next day. I would say we were in the store maybe 20-25 minutes max. I shopped quickly picking up items that I knew other people could cook for me or that I could microwave for myself. We had agreed to meet at the front of the store when we had finished. There stood Renee with an almost empty cart looking disgusted. "I gave up after 5 minutes, they do not have anything I need for my recipes." Well, I replied we do have an extensive stock of sausages, tea, chutneys and beans. Cheer up I said we will order pizza tonight!
The Scotch Egg!
The first weekend we had beautiful weather and headed out to Bath in Southwest England to see the Roman Baths. After the long drive and the 30 minutes it took to find parking our little party of four sought out a cool libation before heading to the historical sights. We easily found a pub (one of 100) in Bath and ordered a drink to give ourselves the strength needed to brave the crowds and the heat. We had a wonderful time in Bath that day and after a good dinner we headed back to the Hurley house. On our way out of Bath I looked over to see a woman wearing an attractive long skirt and matching tank. Renee, look I love that outfit. I think that would be perfect for me I said excitedly. It was hard for me to find clothes which I liked in England. I still have not discovered the right shopping areas. "No, you don't have the butt for that" Renee replied seriously. Time stopped in the car. I saw my husband anxiously glance at me in the rear view mirror instantly on high alert. What do you mean I said as I looked at Renee with narrowed eyes? "Look, I'll show you" she said as she got out her i-phone. She had snapped a picture of me with my back turned in the pub while I was ordering a round of drinks for us. What were you doing take a picture of my butt I exclaimed! "I wasn't I was was taking a picture of the bar and your butt was in the picture." I looked at her incredulously. What is wrong with my butt? I have been working out hard I will have you know! "Well, keep working and maybe you will get there." "I would recommend not wearing white if I were you." "It does not flatter your butt." I saw my beloved glance at me in the rear view mirror again to gauge my distress level. Renee is known for her deadpan honesty and up until this moment I had always admired her for it. I looked at the picture in disbelief. My butt did not look at it's best despite my numerous squats and dead lifts. I was leaning into the counter causing my butt to look flat and spread out. Later on I showed Bill the picture. Bill what do you think I asked? He looked a little confused before blurting out "well, it was probably just a bad color for you" he said trying to be helpful. I could not believe it. With family like this who the heck needs enemies? Wisely, Mr. Jeopardy remained dead silent.
Later that week I saw my personal trainer John and relayed the story. My usually stoic trainer laughed for a good long time. You need to do something I told him! Increase my weights, push me harder! My butt needs to lift up and out I told him. John looked at me for a long minute. "I will do my best he said." He did not fool me, I knew he meant he was no miracle worker. Unbelievable.
Cruising
I somehow managed to contain myself regarding the butt picture and pushed it out of my mind as we prepared to leave for our cruise. I had never been on a large cruise ship before so this was a new experience for me. Bill and Renee were cruise veterans and were looking forward to showing us the ropes. I would just need to be very careful never to turn my back on Renee for any butt shots which could be used against me at a later time. All in all it was a very nice experience. I will summarize my thoughts on cruising and then discuss the highlight of our trip which was the visit to Cherbourg and the D-Day museum. Positives: endless food prepared by someone other than myself (also can be a negative in lieu of the butt situation), no driving or flying required......in fact no mental exertion whatsoever and finally the flexibility to do something or do absolutely nothing each day. Negatives: endless streams of people running for the buffet all at once, the announcements in our cabin informing us of where we were and what was going on (where was the off switch?) and lastly the many formal nights after a busy day of activity. I think we will definitely cruise again perhaps in lieu of an assisted living home for my beloved and I in our later years. It would be cheaper than a nursing home and we would be well fed with someone to always clean up after us.
On our last full day of the cruise I had made plans to tour Bayeux including the D-day museum and major sights with a highly recommended tour guide. Our tour guide was to meet us at 9am sharp on Memorial Day. I had high hopes for some fine memories for us all. Bill had served in the Navy and now devoted most of his free time to volunteering at the USO in the Charlotte airport. I was sure he would highly enjoy this tour. We emerged from the ship to find our guide in a highly agitated state. He was an Irishman who lived in Normandy and specialised in military history. His Irish personality was on show as he was actively complaining about the new rules the French had made about tour guides meeting the cruise ships. He stormed off to his van and we followed along obediently. No sooner had we started to pull out of the port to begin our trip to Bayeux when we were we stopped by a burly french officer who proceeded to interrogate our tour guide for several minutes. "This is why I hate the French" Renee began saying Shhhh! That's all we need is to be stopped for mouthing off to the port authority! After a few moments our guide informed us that "things did not look good as he did not have the correct transport papers." He then advised us that it looked like the police were not going to allow him to transport us anywhere. Sigh.....
(The evil French authority to the right)
When we arrived at the D-Day museum we were awed and humbled at the crosses and the new museum. I could have easily spent many more hours there. We were all quite moved as we viewed a military procession and salute in honor of memorial day. I think everyone would agree it was the highlight of our trip. We also saw the Point du Hoc where 225 rangers stormed the cliffs of the Pointe to take out the German Omaha beach and Utah beach guns. Only 90 managed to survive and of those 90 many walked away wounded. We enjoyed a fantastic seaside lunch and treated our wonderful taxi driver Michele who did a stupendous job despite the language barrier. He even escorted us to the sites and did his very best to explain what we were seeing. Of course Mr. Jeopardy was the only one who half understood but that was OK. It was a wonderful day and one I won't forget.
The Mayfly Invasion of 2010
We came home to relax after our cruise and to enjoy our last two days together. We planned to BBQ and enjoy the nice brief bout of England sunshine. We opened the doors to the patio to allow in the breeze and soon the walls were covered with little flying insects which we have named the Mayflies since they usually appear in May here in England. Last year we had them at the Hobbit house but never to this extent. Soon it appeared that there was a plague on the house. We quickly shut all the windows and doors. "My God there are hundred of them" yelled Renee! The only one who was not upset was Bill who had managed to fall asleep on the couch despite the bedlam going on around him. The Mayflies did not bite or buzz around lights they simply clung to the walls, drapes and anywhere they could alight. We vacuumed up what we could, ate our dinner inside and watched some TV before my beloved announced he was headed to bed because he had an early day. A minute later he came traipsing downstairs. "Where is the vacuum?" he yelled. What do you need the vacuum for? "There must be 1500 of those damn flies in the bedroom. I handed him the vacuum. It must be really bad, I told Renee. I have never seen him vacuum in the 11 years we have been married. Normally I would have gotten up to help him but I was too exhausted and thought that the time with the vacuum would help build character. Later Renee and I walked upstairs. Bill was still fast asleep on the couch. "They have hit the 3rd floor!!" I heard her yell. She came back downstairs. "Why do you people not have screens? How can a country as old as England not have screens? What is wrong with these people?" I had to agree. It is one of the many idiosyncrasies of England. I figured it was because the vast majority of the year it was too cold and rainy to open a window. For now the saga of the Mayflies continue and we are soon headed into July.
Too soon the first set of parents had left the UK after an eventful and memorable trip. The dog did nothing but sulk for several days after realising his treat resources had vanished. There was no one to let him in and out the back door hundreds of times a day. The house was quiet and empty for the first time in weeks. The Mayflies were our only visitors. We enjoyed a brief respite before the second wave hit. Tune in for my next blog on the adventures with my parents. We miss you Bill and Renee!
No comments:
Post a Comment