Man Plans God Laughs

To the right Christmas 2008 with "the brothers , all so handsome".

Three weeks ago at the age of 39 my brother-in-law died. Needless to say it was a massive shock to the entire family. It has taken me this long to register in my mind the finality of it. My husband and I have always said how blessed we are in the fact that both our families were alive and thriving. We of course knew that we would eventually have to cope with death in our immediate family but we had not anticipated a death of a sibling so young. Like most, we assume time is on our side and we would not have to deal with death until a loved one has lived to be a ripe old age.

My mother has always said "Marjorie Allison you cannot plan your entire life out." I am a planner and so is my sweetheart. We had planned my in-laws visit down to the fine detail. My planning had always worked well for me thus far. It was to be their first trip to Europe and we had a whirlwind trip of a lifetime planned to London, Paris and Rome.

We are a very close family. I am incredibly blessed to have not just 2 but 4 amazing in-laws on my husbands side of the family. This time his mom and step-dad were flying in and it would be their first time outside of the States. We were cooking bolognese sauce the evening before their flight was due to leave for London. I had spoken to my mother-in-law just 10 minutes prior, ensuring they had everything packed and ready to go. They had been fretting about the packing and the luggage allowance for weeks. The phone rang and I thought for sure when I answered they had another question. Jeff's step dad Wayne asked to speak to him. We ended up flying back to Charlotte on the same day they would have arrived in the UK.

Death itself is never the worst. The hurt and grief you see when you watch the people you love hurting is the most painful experience. There are no words to comfort my husband or his family which I have come to love so much. I cannot take away the confusion, anger, emptiness or guilt they are feeling. The best I can do is just be me and love them. I have never been able to write eloquently when it comes to sadness and loss. I embrace life with humour, sarcasm and self detriment when I attempt to put our lives into this blog. It is for this reason I cannot describe how special Jody was. You could not translate into flowery words the power of his charm, magnetism, and mischievousness. You could not describe the loss of a brother, father, son and friend who meant so much. The man could sell sand to the Arabs and they would have parted life long friends and thinking they had gotten the better end of the deal with their crappy sandbox.

A very dear friend sent me a card which reminded me that-

"The risk of love is loss and the price of loss is grief. The pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love."

For this reason we will remember Jody as he would have wanted- full of life, mischief, bullshit and his little chuckle which we all knew and loved. We will remember the good memories with laughter and love and because of his death love one another all the more. You cannot plan everything in life but you can love every day and never take family and friends for granted. Life is a tenuous thread and at the end of the day all we have is our health and the health and well being of our loved ones.

This next blog Jody would have certainly chuckled at and I have chosen it especially for him. I cannot take the pain and hollowness away but I can remind everyone that Jody was loved. He was loved by so many and that is the greatest thing you could ever say about another human being. I can only hope one day the same is said of me.

PS- Aunt Robin, Uncle Tim and Kris- may you never lose touch with our family again. We are so happy to have you back in our lives again.

"At the next roundabout turn right. That will be the third exit. Sigh, I listened to the DVLA instructor with one ear. I had just returned from the States (IN COACH CLASS) and with food poisoning and post horrific family loss to have England's finest test my UK driving skills. Never mind that I have driven for over 20 years in the States. That is just not good enough and unfortunately for all American expats the British have a militant view of passing the driving exam. They have cars buzzing to and fro on all major roads with Driving School logos on the side. The average Brit takes 30 lessons prior to passing the exams!!!! The theory test is based on 1500 questions and must be passed prior to even taking the practical or driving exam. I am convinced it is a racket. £35 pounds per driving lesson, £55 pounds for the theory test and finally £60 for the practical. It has taken me 4 months of living and studying in Britain to get to this point. My beloved had low expectations. " Don't worry honey you can always take it again."

This was a rather smug attitude from the man that easily passed on his first attempt and who Mr. Leonard (my dear ever patient driving instructor) stated was a "confident, able minded driver". I wanted to tell my driving instructor that although I had 15 lessons to Jeff's one pre-test lesson I DID NOT have 2 driving citations from the traffic police for speeding. Confidence may not always be the finest attribute. After all, I was not the one scheduled for a UK Speed Awareness Course. Hah!

I came very close to cancelling the test except for the fact I would lose out on £60. I was sick as a dog and 5 pounds lighter due to food poisoning. I ended up showing up for my test late, lightheaded and nauseated. We were off to an auspicious start- "Your an American then?" Yes. "Ahah". What the hell does Ahah mean? "At the next street please execute a reverse around the corner maneuver". For those of you with any common sense this is when we do a U-turn in the road once we have realized we missed our turn. For the Brits, they miss the turn, bypass the next street and then do a perfectly executed reverse turn on said street and realigning with correct direction. Worse yet, they test you on it. My mind was going a million miles a minute. Mirror signal and maneuver. My driving instructor's voice was again in my head. "Before any stop, start or maneuver check your mirrors, act and then check your mirrors again." If I drove like Mr. Leonard wanted me to I would resemble Stevie Wonder behind the wheel.

Do you know what my worthwhile input to this all important test was? Oh yes, I remarked ever so stupidly "I am not sure what the speed limit is here so I will keep it at 35 mph." DUMB! How can anyone with a brain tell the testing agent they have no clue what the speed limit is. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

At the next opportunity please execute a "Turn in the Road Maneuver". For those of you unfamiliar with this popular British road maneuver it is essentially a 180 degree turn where no tire may touch the kerb (curb in the states) and whilst observing for other road users. The hiccup for me is that my tires are curb magnets and I have the scuffs, abrasions and missing chunks of tire to prove it. It is also difficult as the DVLA instructor expects you to do a 6 point visual check during the "three phases" of the maneuver. I will not bore you the details but suffice it to say they expect another Stevie Wonder on speed impersonation. At the end of my 45 minute exam I was sweating, irritable and expecting the worst. My declaration of ignorance of the speed limit was sure to do me in.

"Ms. Crenshaw, I am pleased to tell you that you passed." Really??? Ooh shut-up Marjorie before he rethinks it. Act confident, compose yourself! Really? Now for the best part......

I scored better than Mr. Jeopardy! I was only docked one point. The one point was for UNDUE HESITATION. This probably meant the actual speed limit was higher than I had wrongly assumed. The poor man probably could not wait to get rid of me.

I could not wait to call my beloved and tell him. I was rather chuffed at the moment (British slang for delighted, pleased and very happy). He immediately answered on his work line expecting the worst and prepared to comfort me. I told him I had passed. "Really, wow that's great." Hmmm..... that sounded more disbelieving than congratulatory. I then told him my score. "Really?" Now it was definitely a tone of disbelief. Knowing my beloved this "really" sounded as if I had just told him aliens had landed at the hobbit house and we were all expecting him home for dinner.

Yes, I really did so you can now confidently attend your speed awareness course while I with my UNDUE HESITATION will never have to worry about points on my new UK license.

Like Father Like Son!

Ohhhh no! A peaceful, laid back Sunday has turned into a mad frustrating evening for me. Both my dishwasher and work computer have died. Normally this is not such a big deal in terms of the dishwasher but of course the damn latch would break when it was full of dirty dishes and two days before my beloved outlaws show up. Mr. Jeopardy whom I married for his culinary skills has decided to make his famous bolognese sauce for their arrival Wednesday evening. While this is a delicious meal it entails him dirtying a scandalous 5,ooo dishes, pans and pots in the process. One guess as to who typically is on dish duty.....

The kitchen is only big enough for one person to work in at the hobbit house so I usually follow with dish duty afterwards. I was beside myself as the landlord said they would send out a repairman on Monday but there is a good chance our dishwasher will need to be replaced. I DID NOT want to take all the dishes out and do them by hand, that would be sooooo medieval. I was in the midst of bitching and moaning after my work computer crashed when my sweetheart took matters into his own hands. I would say he did it out of love but my gut said he just wanted some peace and quiet.

God bless his little heart! He pulled a move out of the Bill Crenshaw handbook. His father has a three car garage full of tools and whatnot but is more famous for his "duct tape" like fix its. If something is broke Jeff's Dad can fix it and occasionally his fix its are very creative. It may not be aesthetically pleasing, safe to building code or fireproof but it always works in a pinch. Mr. Jeopardy shoved a dining room chair against the dishwasher to keep the latch shut and then added our butcher block cart which has wheel brakes as an extra enforcement. Good news to all- the dishwasher is now running but the bad news is no one can move in the kitchen now due to furniture blocking the way. It looks like we will be BBQ'ing tonight!

Now if he could only fix my hardrive.......

God Bless Texas!

(Below) Mr Jeopardy supervising the Pimms Tent at the Thames Valley American Women's Club 4th of July Picnic. Isn't he the best?

(Right) Our soon to be new house with YES COUNT THEM 2.5 BATHS!

We are moving out of the hobbit house this September. My beloved and I found a home in Hurley about 5 miles from where we currently live. It has no garage so we will need to put in a shed and less cabinet space (we have already been to Ikea) and one of those God-awful washer-dryer combo units which takes 24 hours to do a full load of laundry. We have compromised because it has 2.5 baths instead of 1.25 (of which the .25 is mine) and a much larger kitchen. It is not much more square feet- just less rooms and a bigger sense of room. Space is a foreign concept here in merry old England.

Sadly, Jeff's mom and Step dad will be arriving next week and have to do their time at the hobbit house. It will be good for them and they will return to the States with a whole new appreciation for their American size home. Sadly, they may go mad in the interim once they see their bedroom here at HH central. The best part is the third floor bedroom in our new house. It is a good size space and Jeff immediately declared it as a good place to sequester any visitors as it is all by itself on the third floor far away from his living space. I think this sealed the deal for him as he knows my mom and dad will be coming out next year. He has his limits and anyone who has spent time with my dad could understand his thinking. He will still need to install a TV in the guest bedroom or we will have to deal with my father watching MSNBC and CNN at an ear splitting level downstairs and muttering to himself about the greedy, thieving liars in government and how they are not fooling him for one minute. But I digress again....

Last week was paradise for me. I went back to the States for company training in Texas. I flew in a day early so that I could spend all day Sunday shopping having laid out a map of all available retail shopping in the vicinity of Plano from my home computer in England. I have not bought a single article of clothing in England as I have no idea where to shop, do not understand their sizing system and refuse to pay for what they term fashion at outrageous prices. I have told Mr. Jeopardy that I am saving him money by power shopping on my stateside visit as the pound is worth twice the value of the dollar. I turned the radio to country in the big gas guzzling rented SUV and was on my way and driving on the RIGHT! When first spotting the outlet stores it was like reuniting with old friends. Forty brand name stores all in one Texas size parking lot. I was on cloud nine! I marvelled at all things ubiquitously American which I had already forgotten- the wide power highways for plenty of room to maneuver, houses five times the size of our home in the UK and 3 Super Targets and 3 Best Buys in the 15 minute travel time to the outlets and of course the sheer volume of restaurants and shopping centers. Heck, my suite at the Homewood Suites hotel was the same size as our entire downstairs in the UK.

My only disappointment was the weather. It has been raining for the past three weeks in the UK. I do not understand why they even employ weather forecasters here in England. Basically the summer forecast is the same every day- rain, interspersed with more rain in the form of sprinkles to a good old fashioned downpour and with occasional hail thrown in for excitement. Don't believe me? Check the forecast for Maidenhead, England for the next 5 days. Rain, yes rain. We had one freak week in June of sun and 90 degree weather when we were forced to purchase a portable A/C unit and which we have not plugged in since. Anyway, needless to say it rained for four of my seven days in Texas. Normally it was supposed to be 100 degrees and sun, sun, sun but I guess they heard I was on my way.

I had such a good time with my international class in Plano. We had folks in from Poland, Brazil, Italy, Turkey, Spain, the Czech Republic and Japan. As Americans we tend to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world for many reasons. Probably one of the biggest reasons is that even though we live in a global society America is so vast a country that most people do not feel the need to leave and see the rest of the world. You could find everything you are looking for right there at home. Whereas in the rest of the world countries are much smaller and people travel quite easily from one to the other. Here in England- Italy, France, Spain, Ireland, Germany and the Nordics are just a short Vegas-like trip away. Because of our sometimes self imposed isolation we tend to make assumptions about the rest of the world based on what we read or watch on TV. That all changes if you have the opportunity to sit down and talk with people first hand. It is one of the most rewarding things about living overseas.

Now you may be asking if I complain so much about the UK weather why did we sign up for this gig? Well the answer is easy- my sweetheart and I are doing three "weekend" trips this month. We will be spending the last three weekends of August in Paris, Rome and Provence. All three still allow us to return to work for 4 days each week. Pretty cool huh?